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How to be a Patient Mom {Almost} Instantly

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It was very quiet in her room. Almost too quiet.

And as any mom of a 5-year old will know, when it’s too quiet, it’s usually too bad too. {Excuse all the “toos”!}

Mayank and I tiptoed gingerly towards the door to see what’s going on.

She was intent and busy…pouring mugs full of water on the floor, right next to the TV switch!

SOS for the Patience Ship!

Yes, patience is something I struggle with. I often, see messes where she may see magic. I often, hear noise when she may consider it music. I lose patience when she’s dawdling too long on her shoes… or lately, her hair.

BUT {and this is BIG}, I’ve noticed that my patience is impacted immensely by a few insanely simple things. Yes, I have somehow learnt that  the answer to how to be a patient mom is more about the choices I make.

Try ANY one of these simple patience-boosters right now and you’ll see the difference:

1. Being a Patient Mom is a Choice

Like most of our reactions, responding with patience is also a choice. I can choose to be more understanding of my daughter as she slowly and deliberately combs her hair or I can choose to yell and make her dissolve in a puddle of tears. I think I choose the former.

Choose patience the next time you feel like yelling “Hurry up!” or “You did WHAT?!!”

2. A Rested Mom is a Patient Mom

Manini is usually a lovely, happy and easygoing little girl. But when she’s tired and hasn’t slept well, she gets cranky and irritable. Guess what happens to her mama too when SHE isn’t rested?

As mamas, we need to get enough sleep and though it may be tempting to watch yet another episode of Revenge on the DVR, I’d recommend turning it off and getting your 6-8 hours of shuteye.

When you’re rested, you’re less likely to get irritated by small things and you’ll be able to get a head start on your day as well, which is always a good thing.

3. Drink a Glass of Water …Or Two

Like sleep, hydration {or the lack of it!} has an impact on how patient we feel, with our kids or our own selves. You’ll be less crabby if you’re hydrated. Don’t believe me? Try it.

And no, drinking 16 cups of coffee does NOT count as hydration.

4. Switch Off

I’ve noticed that when I switch off from technology regularly, I’m more patient and considerate with everyone around me.

Since my ‘job’ is to be tuned in, it does make it all the more difficult at times. What’s helped is setting and sticking to working hours, not turning to technology for entertainment and switching off when I’m WITH family.

5. Pause for Perspective and Patience

Finally, just like responding with patience is a choice, pausing a while before I yell, always helps me see her perspective.

Pausing so I can hear, “Mama, I was mopping the floor for you”, shows me how she was just trying to be her usual, sweetly helpful self.

Pause a while and you’ll see that the slow tying of shoelaces is the sign of a soon-to-be-independent little one.

Pause. For. Patience. 

Do YOU struggle with patience as I do? Which one of these patience-boosters will YOU be trying today? Share with me in the comments.

Cheering you on!

Prerna


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Comments

  1. Hi,
    Got this just in time as I had a bad yelling day today with my child and how bad does that make you feel??
    I even managed to shed few tears along with her. I needed this post today and got it. Now, to try a few things from your list. Yes, the children have their own perspective and it is not to trouble you that they do things that they do but… we lose our patience and our temper. Result, my child cries, I feel bad, feel like crying myself and overall achieve nothing!
    Poornima recently posted..In love with Daddy

    • The Mom Writes says:

      Ahh.. Poornima, I hear you! I end up feeling worse than she does after I lose my patience and am glad my post resonated with you.. Do keep me posted about what YOU try and what works for YOU.. All the best and here’s to a {more} patient mom!

  2. Great insights and tips, Prerna! I, too, struggle with this. I’m a naturally “in-control” person, and I link having my ducks in a row. Having a little boy running around almost 24/7— especially while I work— is a true test of character. I remind myself often that I will never be able to re-live these early years, and so I do what I can to “shut off” work and spend time with my son. In just a couple of years, he’ll not be as demanding for my attention, and I KNOW I’ll miss this phase of his life, just like I find myself missing his baby years, or his breastfeeding era.
    Thanks for the reminder to pause. I need them more often!
    Martine recently posted..The ‘R’s’ of mommy restoration

    • The Mom Writes says:

      So true, Martine.. So true.. That’s a reminder I keep giving myself too.. They grow so fast and then, before you know it, they wouldn’t want us around as much, forget “need”!

  3. Hello thanks so much :)
    I am going to try them all.
    I have a 7 year old who refuses to sleep.
    Her reason is attention.
    She feels she should have more than the others.
    I feel they all should get the same.
    However if anything due to her learning set backs she tends to get the most . Sigh
    But at night at bed time I refuse to pay her attention.
    She wakes the others up to get me to come and sit with her.
    I will not do this any more.
    The less she sleeps the less I sleep the crankier the entire house becomes.
    Oh for the day she chooses to sleep again :(
    Thanks for great advice and tips love them all

    • The Mom Writes says:

      Hi Lindsey, I am glad you’ll be trying them all.. I understand how it feels to have a little one who doesn’t sleep and gets cranky, making it more difficult for you than ever.. With Manini {my daughter}, I’ve found that when she’s had a lot of physical activity- running, tennis, playing, going out with me, she sleeps straight off, but when she’s not been tired out, she takes her own sweet time!

      I hope things smoothen out soon..

  4. Jessica Otton says:

    I have to put my hands up to being a very impatient mum this past week. My two youngest children have had to put up with muma crank as their step sisters have driven me wild (namly because I cant voice my opinion about any to do with them). So in turn my two 3 and 6year old gave been snapped at fir every little thing. I am going to do all the above ss I dont want to ruin there childhood playfulness and imaginations starting with some needed water because as I sit here and reflect I havent had a glass since yesterday and its now midday.
    Thankyou Prena and heres to a more paitient me xx

    • The Mom Writes says:

      You’re most welcome, Jessica.. I have been there.. more than once..snappy and irritable.. Glad to hear you’ll be trying these out.. Do keep me posted with what works for you.

  5. Thanks for these..I badly need them as i don want to be a yelling mom..One more thing which helps is your spouse help..If my husband gets angry then I calm him down telling him she is a kid and if I am angry he calms me down..Tough thing but it works.

    • The Mom Writes says:

      Oh yes, Anamika.. Good point.. Your partner’s help is key.. We do the same thing here.. Although, at our home, he does more of the calming than I.. LOL!!

  6. I often, see messes where she may see magic. I often, hear noise when she may consider it music. I lose patience when she’s dawdling too long on her shoes… or lately, her hair.

    Tell me about it! I had a major yelling session with the boys yesterday when I discovered doodles on the wall. But when he explained to me that it was a helicopter, I stopped to re-look at the creativity. I am also not one of the patient moms, but when I see posts like these, I know that there are other moms like me and most important is that I try and incorporate these small steps to give my boys a happier childhood!
    Pratibha recently posted..Shopping with SafetyKart

    • The Mom Writes says:

      Thanks SO much Pratibha!! Glad to hear the post resonated with you:) And yes, you surely aren’t alone.. Lots of us here navigating the choppy waters of parenting, riding the highs and the lows.. :)

  7. Great tips there! God knows we are stressed. And like you pointed out, I find myself stressed out when I am low on sleep or nutritious food or have too much work.

  8. Thanks a lot Prerna for these insanely simple tips. Thing I gonna try is pause for perspective and patience. It definitely will work.
    Disha recently posted..Fan Of The Week: Kala Chaitanya

  9. Very handy tips. Am not mom yet, but after reading your post, felt i need to work upon my patience levels. Am a like a volcano which often erupts on such small mundane things….OMG
    Anu Dev recently posted..TWINKLING TRINKETS……

  10. I am guilty of being a yeller. (Hangs head in shame) But I have been trying to dial down by intolerance for messes and need for everything to be in order. These tips are definitely helpful. Thanks Prerna!
    Swapna recently posted..Does Motherhood Get Easier?

    • The Mom Writes says:

      Totally with you, Swapna.. and no shame there.. We’re human and we snap.. :) The GOOD thing is we realize it and we work on it.. SO, yay!!

  11. Well said about switching off! I find myself being impatient when I’m merely checking Facebook and I’m glad to say that I immediately check myself and question my priorities when I do that!

  12. Tell me all about it! You are right about the too much screen time and technology. It gets me cranky too. I have had a terrible day today… no, not the five year old.. it is my 1yr old and as you now toddlers are impossible. Let me know if you have tips on handling a head strong toddler who resists carseats and car rides. :)
    Aysh recently posted..The Mommy Files: Introducing Solids-II

    • The Mom Writes says:

      Aysh, I hear you… Manini was mostly easygoing with the car seat but she had her moments.. How about you give her something that keeps her entertained while she is in the car seat… With M., the ELC lapdesk with coloring sheets and a DoodlePad worked really well.. Also, I’d hand her a snack when we’d stop at the lights.. Busy=Quiet. :)

  13. It helps to know that other moms struggle and respond similarly to these common denominators. One feels a little less insane. Thank you. And THANK YOU for the tips. These are things we know deep down, but sometimes we need to hear or read these kinds of confirmations to remind us so we put them to use. :-)

    • The Mom Writes says:

      Absolutely Elsje.. We aren’t alone. Ever. And yes, sometimes, the simplest things make the biggest difference. Glad to hear these helped!!

  14. An episode of mom-patience being tested a couple of days ago prompted me to come back and take a moment to read this blog. I had meant to a week ago, but life took over. However, my 10 year old son had a big tantrum a couple of days ago (sorry, moms, they can still do it at 10) and my patience was tested to the max. He used to tantrum as a toddler, and I have to admit, I found it REALLY hard. I would yell, and then cry and feel guilty for yelling, and then feel more stressed and be more likely to yell in the future because I was at the end of my tether. It was a horrible cycle. Fortunately, the pre-teen tantrums are few and far between, but when they happen, they are doozies. He refuses to give up (he has inherited my determination), and I have discovered that I pretty much have to sit it out. That could take an hour or more. But I have found that when he will reach a point in the tantrum where he has actually seems to have scared himself. He feels horrible – he knows he lost control and is struggling to get it back. And at that point he needs me to tell him it’s ok, and I love him. He needs reassurance, and calm.

    Luckily, these days, I have learned to control myself better. I am more rested, a more positive person than I used to be, and I’m able to take that pause before I react, to check my behaviour and make the good choice. I remind myself that I am the adult.

    During the last episode, I had to stop myself several times from yelling. I didn’t give in and let him have his own way, but I didn’t yell or lose my cool either. In the end, after some calm reassurance and a conversation about how this kind of thing just happens sometimes – we can all feel out of control, and that’s ok (hormones, anyone?!) – he totally turned the evening around and made some GREAT choices. So yay him, and yay me for finally, after 10 and a half years of being a mom, getting a bit better at it. :)

    Thanks, Prerna, for a great blog.

    • The Mom Writes says:

      Liz, thank YOU so much for sharing your experience.. I agree when you say, “At that point he needs me to tell him it’s ok, and I love him. He needs reassurance, and calm.” I think that is SO important.. I’m glad to hear that you’re able to respond appropriately and am hoping that as I use my own tips here, I’ll be able to respond in the same manner.. Being the adult:)

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